This week’s radio show sparked my interest, as I am preparing for university in the fall. Ryan and Lynn’s conversation touched on a wide variety of topics around graduating university debt free (if you haven’t listened to it yet, click here), yet I was struck by how both his parents and my own have had a huge role in preparing us for this stage in our lives.
Growing up we were both taught how to work hard and save money, even in the little that we made. All the same, I do not attribute financial success entirely to this deeply ingrained work ethic. Rather, our parents overcame some of the most pervasive lies around education in our culture and empowered us to succeed.
Lie #1: As a parent, I am responsible for making sure my child can attend ___________ university, no matter what the cost to myself.
As a student, daughter and objective third party, please know paying for your child’s post-secondary education is not your responsibility. This strange and erroneous idea has led to a great deal of tension in families and stress on both the parents and the students.
It is an honour for us to receive financial aid in any capacity, not a requirement.
Education is an investment, and as such, parents need to carefully consider before supporting their children through school.
Lie #2: As a parent, it is my job to make sure my child doesn’t do, attend or experience ____________, so I must protect them.
As parents you have watched your children grow since they were born. You fed them, taught them to walk and held them when they cried. As your child moves towards post-secondary school, your relationship must change. Beginning to see your child as an adult is an extraordinary feat which I have yet to experience, yet I can attest to how valued it will make your child feel.
To be trusted enough to make your own decisions is a blessing not lightly cast aside. Rather than helicopter parenting to prevent your student ever making a financial mistake, encourage them to choose the right path and then step back.
Lie #3: As a parent, I must be the perfect example so my children will succeed. If my children know about my financial mistakes they will not respect my advice.
Honesty is always the best policy. More and more, my generation is looking for people who are authentic in their beliefs and lifestyles.
We are not looking for perfection, but authenticity.
Transparency is the most important aspect in talking with your kids. If you have made many financial mistakes, express to them your desire they not repeat your cycle. If you have made positive decisions, share them. Most important of all, listen to their concerns and encourage dialogue around money by talking about it yourself.
This is an amazing and exciting time for students because we are growing up. Whether your children will say it or not, they need you now more than ever. Busting these lies will allow you to engage with your young adult in a new way, open up dialogues which bring healing for both of you and allow you to live a life of more than enough.
Mercedes van Noppen is a writer, soon-to-be university student and daughter of David van Noppen. She enjoys sharing her parents quirky financial stories wherever she goes!